F0rgiveness

Forgiveness is something crazy to comprehend. I am an analyzer. I take everything apart and expose it for what it is so that I can understand why, why, why, how, and the way I should then respond to/interact with it. I like to know the deepest, darkest secrets of people because I want to know that I can still love them even with their sinful past or present. I know that sounds creepy, but isn’t that what we as humans all want: To be known fully and intimately and be loved even with all of our faults, imperfections, and oddness? The world cries out, “Tolerance!” while the church semi-jokingly commands, “Don’t judge me!” when all we are all whispering is, “Please love me.” But no one in their right mind would actually say that, not to just anyone. There is one, though, that we long to say it to and in return hear the response, “I do.” We long to be held in someone’s arms, to be known fully and intimately and be loved all the same. (That idea still boggles my mind; talk about a subject to analyze! And don’t ask me if I can imagine being loved that way... I can’t. Nor do I want to. If and when it happens, I want it to be a beautiful surprise…)

I am currently reading a book about sexual purity called Love, Dad. It’s written by Josh McDowell and it’s a collection of letters he wrote to his oldest daughter and only son concerning questions they had about the subject. Concerning sex and its depth, McDowell told his daughter, “We want to be able to totally reveal ourselves to someone we can trust to accept and love us just the way we are.” Before this quote he stated that making love was way more than just a physical act, but that it involves the emotions, and later on he explains how it involves us spiritually as well.

What does this have to do with forgiveness? Well, maybe this post isn’t just about forgiveness. Actually it’s about what happens when forgiveness takes place between us and God. At some point in my reading I stopped and cried just a few tears, once again reminded of what I would have to tell my future husband…And for those of you who are now crying out, “See, this is why the abstinence pledge people and the church are all in on a huge conspiracy to make us feel bad for expressing who we are! They want us to be bound by their superiority and judgmental views so that we can’t be ourselves and love the way we want…” let me state that this post is not about feeling condemned and dirty and all of that. Although I did feel horrible, God quickly reminded me that He has not only already forgiven me but He has also healed me and restored a level of innocence that I could have never gotten back on my own. Yes, I have heard before that there is nothing to forgive; please let me get to what (I believe) the point of this post is: In that moment, I did not simply feel forgiven, I felt known—fully and intimately. Because, you know, God knows everything about everyone. He knows every detail of every dirty, wrong, slightly not truthful act, phrase, or thought of every person. And in that moment when I felt known, I also felt loved—fully and intimately.

That is what it is like to be forgiven by God: to be known fully and intimately and be loved even with all of our faults, imperfections, and oddness. So, like I said, forgiveness is something crazy to comprehend. But, for now, I’m just going to accept and revel in it :)