Adventure

Adventure. I have been longing for an adventure for so long. Not just a random break in the day-to-day life, but a full-fledge ADVENTURE.

I was watching The Hobbit earlier today, and a theme of the movie that stuck out to me more than usual was the risk Bilbo was willing to take when he decided to follow the Dwarves and Gandalf on the journey to win the Dwarves’ home back. He knew that by going on this adventure he would never return the same… if indeed he ever did return.

 

I really do believe that’s the kind of life Christ calls us all on. Not that we were all meant to travel pony-back through various terrains and fight of disgusting creatures in order to win back the home of our new-found friends. I believe the life God calls His children to live is risk-taking, work-filled, sacrifice-contained life that benefits more than our own vacillating emotions. He calls us to put away our mother’s doilies, leave behind our home-in-a-hole, and join Him in sacrificing our comfort for the “life and life more abundantly” that we were meant to live here and now (John 10:10).

 

Here and now I am staring at this Word document, wondering who I am to talk about living an adventurous life. All I know of adventure is what I have currently watched in the movies The Hobbit and Esther: The Girl Who Became Queen as well as a book Take Four by Karen Kingsbury. I still desire exciting escapades, but I have to ask myself if I would be willing to embark on one if Jesus were to knock on my bedroom door and ask me to do so, letting me know that the journey will be life-threatening and I will not return the same. Would I say yes? I would like to think I would. I would like to think I would be willing to leave behind those things in which I take most comfort and be willing to rely on Him and those He has placed in my life to lean on.

 

 

Then again, He has asked me to go on an adventure with Him. Granted, my life does not look the way I would have mapped it out to, but what real adventure does? I know there are those who think that I should do things differently, but then I have to laugh as I recall the looks of disapproval Bilbo got when he went running out of the Shire after the Gandalf and the Dwarves. I never expected God to call me to spend my summers spending extended time with Him, hanging out with my brothers, and volunteering at church; it is not the life He seems to have called my friends and other family members to. Then again, not one of us has exactly the same outline for our lives, letter to letter. We may experience comparable circumstances, know the similar kinds of heartache, and find relatable joys, but each of our journeys will lead us to different callings and seasons. Frodo did not go on the exact same journey as Bilbo, and although both Peter and Paul were called to share the Gospel, Peter was appointed to the Jews while Paul was sent as a missionary to the Gentiles (Galatians 2:7-8). Every step may not look as we thought or wished it would, but with God by our side and our eyes ever seeking Him, life is bound to be quite the adventure.

Weak and Strong

I am getting to the point where I don't even want to read God's Word because I have become aware of something I haven't taken into account until recently. I am weak and I need God's Grace for everything. I mean everything. Okay, some things are common sense. Others, He gives options; we aren't robots, so either-or-type choices will not detrimentally affect anyone. But there are situations where I need Him, but I look around and everyone else seems to function in these areas with ease. Granted, most are not honest about their weaknesses, but that fact does nothing for me when I am struggling, when I am having to constantly ask for help. I wonder, "What's the point of declaring God's Truth over my life when I obviously fail so often in this area?" I feel like a child trying to play grown up, a young adult failing at the "adult" part.

"Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." (2 Corinthians 12:9 NLT)

This verse has two components, and the Holy Spirit has made it clear to me that I can look at them through my weakness or through God's strength.

Through my weakness: God's grace is all I need and His power works best in weakness. Really? Well, that would be okay if it weren't for the fact that when I am weak, I tend to mess up, and messing up produces consequences. Of course, the whole point is for me to rely on His Grace and not try to move in these weak moments on my own. But then I have to blindly trust that I am actually being led by God and not allow fear to make me choose to take over and... This is just a downward spiral waiting to take over. The second part of this verse is no better. I mean, of course I want God's power to work in my life! It sounds cool AND it will help me out. But boasting in my weaknesses!? If everyone else is going to be tight-lipped about their shortcomings, why do I need to open mine? Not only that, but how do I boast in my weaknesses without complaining and making it al about me?

Well, I am certainly feeling some form of depression after obsessing over myself. Now let's take a look at this verse through Christ's strength, through faith: "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” Well that's awesome, because that means I'm covered! No matter the situation, how I'm feeling, or who is in front of me, I will always have what I need to deal, God's Grace! When I am strong, I can ask for Wisdom and guidance. When I am not, I can rely on His Grace!

"So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." This is where I struggle to look at God's Words through faith; I'm still struggling with my grudge with humanity for their "lack" of weaknesses. But I cannot act based off of how everyone else acts. That would make people my god, and that is a scary thought. So to ensure that I allow Christ's Grace to work in my life, God wants me to be honest, no, to BOAST, in my weaknesses. To say, "I appreciate the compliment, but I actually did not know how to handle that. I just asked for God's Grace, Wisdom, whatever and spoke in faith." Or, "I understand how you feel. I use to/still do feel weak in that area as well. However, I am learning and getting better at letting God's Grace lead me, because without Him I completely fail." This sounds excruciatingly painful to me, but it also sounds like I am no longer alone in this. I have God's wonderful, ever-plenty Grace AND opportunities to let others know just how wonderful and ever-present God is to those who rely on Him.

I don't know about you,but after looking at this Scripture from both viewpoints, I'll keep working on leaning on His Grace. It saves me from a mind cramp, and it glorifies Him!

Wandering, Looking, Searching

It's a breath of fresh air when you find someone who understands where you are, if only in so many words. I have come across so many friends and acquaintances who have told me that they needed God's guidance, how they have needed Him to make Himself clear to them concerning different matters for each individual.

Guidance. God, why don't You simply spell it out for is? Will we not follow where You lead? Do we not trust and reverently fear You enough to obey, believing Your way and will is best? I heard a few times during this time that God wants us to seek Him, not answers. He wants us to dig deeper into His Word, praising Him and speaking Truth and not how we feel. How we feel does not dictate Who God is. Faithful. Sovereign. Good. Just. Love. How we feel is simply a reflection of where our thoughts. It's hard to hurt as much when I am laughing, filled with joyous thoughts of something good or silly. At the same time, it is hard to be filled with joy and hope when I am constantly looking at what I don't like, what I fear, what I am not sure of.

There's so much... And it doesn't help to know that it gets harder, more intricate. Life's always been intricate, I just have not cared to notice. Still, with all of my questions, wonderings, desires, dreams, I sense God speaking: Seek Me. Seek to know Me better. Seek to be filled, loved, and aware of Me in your day-to-day. But what about- Seek Me, Daughter. But I need to know- Me. Come to Me, let me love and yes, guide. Whether of not you see the direction you're headed. Follow Me.

Will we not follow where You lead? Do we not trust and reverently fear You enough to obey, believing Your way and will is best?

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. (Psalms 139:23, 24 NLT)

Waiting Game (Aren't Games Supposed to be Fun?)

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. (Philippians 4:6 NLT)

I cannot tell you how often I have read this verse, how often I have looked at it in despair and, at other times, read it out-loud with a boldness that was not my own.

Pray, rejoice, pray, rejoice. Wait.

I am a doer. I do not know how many people I have told this, nor how many times. Prayer: okay, that doesn't involve a lot of physical movement, but at least it's something. Praise? Ugh, a little harder, just as little physical-activity oriented, AND it requires me to act a way I do not feel. Over and over I ask God, "What do You want ME to do to change things? How can I move this story along? What have I done wrong that I need to repent for so that things can turn out as I had hoped that would." More often than not His response is always, "I will not give My glory to another." Translation: You are doing what you should be; keep following My lead and trust Me." I hear stories and see situations playing out in the lives of those I care about and in those I do not know as well and I sometimes want to get in a fist fight with God. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? WAIT!? YOU WANT ME/US/THEM TO WAIT!? AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN ALL OF THIS!?" The only thing I hate more than struggling or feeling weak is seeing others struggle.

God's response: "Keep doing what You are doing. I will not give My glory to another."

I love that my tantrums don't phase Him.

In an effort to encourage anyone who is reading, knowing that the enemy will raise up his claws and try to screw all of us over the second he sees us putting our trust in our ever faithful Father, please know that you are NOT alone in this waiting game. I read somewhere that the bigger the mountain we climb, the better the view once we get to the top ;p

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6, 7 NLT)

Praise

I am in this beautiful place where I am able to appreciate praising God in the storm and the fortitude that provides me-- the strong, stable ground in Christ I have no later how I feel-- while simultaneously I able to thoroughly enjoy coming out on the other side and FEELING joy.

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord. Oh, the joys of those who trust the Lord, who have no confidence in the proud or in those who worship idols. O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us. Your plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them. You take no delight in sacrifices or offerings. Now that you have made me listen, I finally understand — you don’t require burnt offerings or sin offerings. Then I said, “Look, I have come. As is written about me in the Scriptures: I take joy in doing your will, my God, for your instructions are written on my heart.” I have told all your people about your justice. I have not been afraid to speak out, as you, O Lord, well know. I have not kept the good news of your justice hidden in my heart; I have talked about your faithfulness and saving power. I have told everyone in the great assembly of your unfailing love and faithfulness. 

(Psalms 40:1-10 NLT)