This year started off with my believing I knew who my future husband was. You could not have convinced me that I was wrong, and I had so many plans that I believed would be carried out in "God's timing", or more accurately, in my preferred timeline. Fast forward to the end of the summer and I not only realized that I had been wrong, but that I no longer was sure when I was hearing God's voice and when my own or the enemy's was chiming in with their twisted ideas and plans. The last few months have been a reminder of how foolish I was, considering that last fall was the time I thought I had heard from God. One year later, I am reminded of how I had spent the entire month of December dreaming about how I thought my relationship with this guy would be like and how wonderful I would feeling being pursued and feeling cherished. I'm reminding of how elated I was at finally knowing who my who I was to marry. I was enthralled at the idea of being done with crushes and infatuations-- finally I could say yes to the one God had created me to be with forever and always. Everyone knows what it is like to be embarrassed by one's faults, and those who have to keep themselves humble lest pride take ahold of them knows how I feel to look back at that.
Even so, we were not meant to stay down, tied down to yesterday's doubts, mistakes, and shortcomings. As God's children, we were meant to be more than overcomers!
This time last year I would have drowned my regrets and embarrassment with songs about unrequited love and disappointments. This would be embarrassing to admit if I didn't know that way too many girls do this. There is more to life than what we do wrong, than our sins. I'm not saying we do not have faults or that we are not in need of a Savior, but I am saying that because Jesus came, we have hope and Grace- hope that something better awaits us than what we have here on earth, and the Grace to live victoriously and free from the bondage of regret that tries to keep us locked up in yesterday, or last year, or decades ago.
We serve a faithful, patient and understanding God. I do not fully understand why He has us wait so long for what he promises us, and it hurts me more than I can describe. I like to know the purpose of things, processes,words, etc, are, and when I do not, or when I know that it could be explained to me but it will not be, I feel as if I am purposefully and wrongfully being kept in the dark as punishment. But that is not who God is. Revenge is his, as it says in His word, but he is still loving, merciful, and forbearing. He does not count our sin against us, but if we have asked for forgiveness, He casts them as far away from Himself as the east is from the west.
I do not fully understand, and that does not make me smile; not like is should (pride: I feel as if I need to earn every good thing in my life). But God is not hateful and he does not play games. He has the very best in plan for His children, and His Word is faithful healing, and Life. I do not know what you are looking back on this year, but let me encourage you with this: whether good, bad, or a mixture of both, it is in the past. God was with You with then, He is with you now, and he will be with You tomorrow and, Lord willing, in this year to come. Do not doubt His goodness no matter how it feels or looks because He is doing great things for those whom He loves. And do not refrain from encouraging one another, because we can all use it even when it does not appear that we do. It is never wrong to give a word in due season :)
I may not know you, but I love you; God knows you intricately and He loves you more!
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