Wandering, Looking, Searching

It's a breath of fresh air when you find someone who understands where you are, if only in so many words. I have come across so many friends and acquaintances who have told me that they needed God's guidance, how they have needed Him to make Himself clear to them concerning different matters for each individual.

Guidance. God, why don't You simply spell it out for is? Will we not follow where You lead? Do we not trust and reverently fear You enough to obey, believing Your way and will is best? I heard a few times during this time that God wants us to seek Him, not answers. He wants us to dig deeper into His Word, praising Him and speaking Truth and not how we feel. How we feel does not dictate Who God is. Faithful. Sovereign. Good. Just. Love. How we feel is simply a reflection of where our thoughts. It's hard to hurt as much when I am laughing, filled with joyous thoughts of something good or silly. At the same time, it is hard to be filled with joy and hope when I am constantly looking at what I don't like, what I fear, what I am not sure of.

There's so much... And it doesn't help to know that it gets harder, more intricate. Life's always been intricate, I just have not cared to notice. Still, with all of my questions, wonderings, desires, dreams, I sense God speaking: Seek Me. Seek to know Me better. Seek to be filled, loved, and aware of Me in your day-to-day. But what about- Seek Me, Daughter. But I need to know- Me. Come to Me, let me love and yes, guide. Whether of not you see the direction you're headed. Follow Me.

Will we not follow where You lead? Do we not trust and reverently fear You enough to obey, believing Your way and will is best?

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. (Psalms 139:23, 24 NLT)