This past
December, God has been teaching me about loving selflessly: not loving in order
to be loved back, loving in order to be understood, or loving in order to be
satisfied in some way, shape or form. This kind of love does not seek what can
be gained but instead what can be given, all to the glory of God and the honor
and blessing of others. I have been safely learning this lesson while home for
Christmas break, and by this time next week I will continue being taught this
at school… with a lot more people… and I feel a lot of fear right now.
I have personally
come to the conclusion that I do not completely understand God or myself. I
know that He is perfect and keeps His promises; I know that I am imperfect and
do not always keep my word. I know that He is forever faithful; I know that
sometimes I’m just not in the mood to care. I know that He has my best interest
in mind; I know that there are times when I just want what I want, so get off
of my case, thank you! But love—the kind we learn to give to those we care
about most as well as those we care never to see again—that kind of love
changes you. It gets down to the heart of things, shines a light, and says, “Yep.
We have quite a bit of work to do. Are you up for it?” And let me tell you, it is an option. True love is not going to
force you to do anything. True love is going to look at you with its big,
beautiful, innocent eyes and ask you if you are willing to partake in a
lifelong process that will cause you to work harder and give more of yourself
than you ever thought possible. But you know what I found to be amazing? In
that process, we can experience more joy than if we partook in the world’s cheap,
selfish version of love.
I’m sleepy. I
will spend the rest of tonight, tomorrow, and the next few weeks thinking about
this, living it out, and crying about some things, no doubt (because that’s
what I do when I am overcome with lots o’ emotion, and that is just bound to happen
before the month is passed).
Otay, I pray this
blesses someone. Good night! Jesus loves you J
P.S.—I believe
those tears I will shed will be good ones, the kind that tear down pride and
make a little woman out of me and continue to show me the beauty of leaning on
God’s strength in my weakness. So, there’s no need for me to be afraid J
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