Another Boy Blog

I know I overanalyze things and I know I have talked about this before, but I am going to say this all again with a prayer that God uses these words to encourage, open the eyes of, maybe even knock the head off of some of His wonderful yet ignorant children J

I spent my high school years believing that guys either 1) Didn’t notice me, 2) Noticed my friends… and not me, or 3) Weren’t good enough for me. Now I know you could say, “Honey, at least you haven’t been through the 1, 5, or 60 break-ups that I’ve been through!” And yes, you are right in your insinuation that I have avoided that kind of pain. However there was another kind of pain I could have avoided and did not. You see, maybe it’s just me (it’s not just me) but being single can really suck. Yes, I said the s word. There are a couple of things that suck about it (I must really like numbering things today…)

1)      It hurts. We were made to be “joined as one” to someone of the opposite sex within marriage, and once those desires are awakened, they are like a huge beast of a newborn that wails day and night about how much it wants… whatever beastly newborns wail about wanting but can’t have and so they scream and scream and scream and pretty soon you begin to scream because you’ve done all that you know to do to shut it up but it won’t!

2)      It’s distracting. Yes, I just said that being single is distracting. I know I am NOT the only who has paused in their time of doing homework to contemplate why Johnny just doesn’t seem to notice me. I mean, I looked so cute today. Even some of the other guy noticed, and although that would normally make me so giddy, right now it just flames the question of why Johnny only smiled and waved instead of coming over and saying hi…

3)      It’s annoying. If you’re like me, when you were or as you are in high school and are dealing with these ridiculously unreasonable emotions concerning guys, you will spend half of your time wondering why Johnny doesn’t like you and the other half wondering why you are so shallow as to obsess over a guy when there are wars, starving children, and suicides every day. I know, you feel like scum right now. We just have so much in common!

I wish I had something to say to make your life instantly not so self-centered (because realistically, this is a very self-centered, albeit common, mindset). And I am sorry that you are crushing on a guy who won’t look your way or that has looked your way but not the way you hope he would or has looked your way the way you hoped he would but then glanced back at his girlfriend who is NOT good enough for him when YOU could do SO MUCH BETTER! Not that I’VE ever felt that way… because I have—

I’ve been through this with Jesus too many times to count, so here is the conclusion and it will not make you as happy as you may like but you need it so here it is:

You are single. Forever. Okay, that’s all, thanks for reading!

But seriously, I know it sucks being single. I have been for most of my 21 years. However, there is so much more to life. Friends, family, school, work, dreams, chillaxation time, and (you knew it was coming) Jesus. Now, the reason why I have waited so long to include him is because of this: maybe it is just me (*wink, wink) but sometimes when we call on Jesus we do not always hear his response. For me, that is one of the most devastating feelings in the world, reaching out to my ever-present Father and Lover of my soul and coming back with the same aching feeling I was trying to give up to him. I don’t understand God or his ways. I don’t understand why he would allow a desire to be awakened in me that he wants me to allow him to fulfill in his time. And I don’t understand why he wants to spend time with me every day only to then send me off with an, “Okay, now I want you to lean on me throughout the day and listen to my voice. And if you don’t feel me with you or you don’t hear me speaking to you when you cry out to me, don’t freak out. I am in control.” Mhh, yeah… really?!

You know what I’ve found, though. At the end of the day, he is still there Whether or not you feel him, whether or not you hear him, he is still in control. And he wants you to come to him. It won’t always be within the context of a worship service-high. It won’t always feel like those warm embraces you look forward to when you normally come to the throne of God. But do we solely love him based off of how he makes us feel? Can we still love a perfect, Holy, Loving, and Faithful God even when it does not look like he is all of those things?

Jesus not only deserves all we have to give him, he also wants it. We are wanted, we are loved. And I know some if not a good portion of you are reading this and saying, yeah, that’s NOT what I wanted to hear. Well, it’s the truth. And you know what they say about that, it’ll set you free ;)

I pray that everyone who’s reading this and struggling with accepting this truth will have a conversation with God or a reliable friend or mentor who will confirm to them that he is worth the sacrifices, pain, and questions we experience every day. I could end by saying it will all work out! And I do believe it will. But right now I am here, feeling God (after three days of pure numbness) but still wondering why he keeps telling me, “The sky is blue” and all I hear everyone else saying, thinking, or believing is that is white with blue clouds. I know that may not seem like a big deal, but if you have ever looked up and seen a pure blue sky compared to a pure white one, you know the difference… and the difference can hurt sometimes.

Okay, I’m done talking in code. Go pursue Jesus; he is worth your time and pain. If you don’t believe me, go back and read what he suffered for you. Us. We.