Remember Grace

Adventure

Adventure. I have been longing for an adventure for so long. Not just a random break in the day-to-day life, but a full-fledge ADVENTURE.

I was watching The Hobbit earlier today, and a theme of the movie that stuck out to me more than usual was the risk Bilbo was willing to take when he decided to follow the Dwarves and Gandalf on the journey to win the Dwarves’ home back. He knew that by going on this adventure he would never return the same… if indeed he ever did return.

 

I really do believe that’s the kind of life Christ calls us all on. Not that we were all meant to travel pony-back through various terrains and fight of disgusting creatures in order to win back the home of our new-found friends. I believe the life God calls His children to live is risk-taking, work-filled, sacrifice-contained life that benefits more than our own vacillating emotions. He calls us to put away our mother’s doilies, leave behind our home-in-a-hole, and join Him in sacrificing our comfort for the “life and life more abundantly” that we were meant to live here and now (John 10:10).

 

Here and now I am staring at this Word document, wondering who I am to talk about living an adventurous life. All I know of adventure is what I have currently watched in the movies The Hobbit and Esther: The Girl Who Became Queen as well as a book Take Four by Karen Kingsbury. I still desire exciting escapades, but I have to ask myself if I would be willing to embark on one if Jesus were to knock on my bedroom door and ask me to do so, letting me know that the journey will be life-threatening and I will not return the same. Would I say yes? I would like to think I would. I would like to think I would be willing to leave behind those things in which I take most comfort and be willing to rely on Him and those He has placed in my life to lean on.

 

 

Then again, He has asked me to go on an adventure with Him. Granted, my life does not look the way I would have mapped it out to, but what real adventure does? I know there are those who think that I should do things differently, but then I have to laugh as I recall the looks of disapproval Bilbo got when he went running out of the Shire after the Gandalf and the Dwarves. I never expected God to call me to spend my summers spending extended time with Him, hanging out with my brothers, and volunteering at church; it is not the life He seems to have called my friends and other family members to. Then again, not one of us has exactly the same outline for our lives, letter to letter. We may experience comparable circumstances, know the similar kinds of heartache, and find relatable joys, but each of our journeys will lead us to different callings and seasons. Frodo did not go on the exact same journey as Bilbo, and although both Peter and Paul were called to share the Gospel, Peter was appointed to the Jews while Paul was sent as a missionary to the Gentiles (Galatians 2:7-8). Every step may not look as we thought or wished it would, but with God by our side and our eyes ever seeking Him, life is bound to be quite the adventure.

Different Worshippers and their Common Perk in Life

I have heard of intellectual worshippers before. I am pretty sure I initially assumed that the term was a nice way of saying, “You’re a scardy-cat.” Now I think very differently.

If an emotional worshipper ( and I assume that it what I would be coined) is someone who feeds off of feeling God’s Presence and having an emotional encounter with Him, then I assume an intellectual worshipper is one who feeds off of having new levels of understanding about God and having intellectual encounters with him. Hmm.

At least that’s what I thought. There are down sides to both: With an emotional worshipper, they may struggle whenever they don’t feel God. Also, they must learn how to go through life without feeling like everything is good and feeling like God will come through. On the other hand, an intellectual worshipper might struggle when they do not understand God. Along these same lines, they must learn how to of through life without understanding everything and understanding that although God will come through, it is on His terms, not ours.

I have always been an emotional worshipper, so life is basically over when I do not feel like everything is going dandily. Up until yesterday, that is. For the past few months I have had to keep going with the public face that everything is okay. Sometimes I felt the need to do this with my friends because it seemed idiotic to me to be down all the time. I was constantly urged to not meditate on the negative. “You can’t do that, you have to trust God. You have to think on all the good that has come out of this and know that good will come out of it.” To which I mentally responded, “Because every time something good came out of the pain and frustration, more bad trailed behind it. Yeah, so that makes perfect sense… Focus on the positive while life and God screw you over. Yeah… what an idea.” These things should not be uttered out loud, just to warn all of you. You will either cause them to draw back in surprise and hurt OR you will light their fire and they’ll repeat what they said in hopes that by hearing their lecture three more times you’ll get it through your skull. Both of these types of people love me dearly and I am blessed to have them in my life.

I needed to hear their words of encouragement and spurring on—even in lecture (a.k.a. emotional torture) form. I also needed to be left to hurt at some points, like yesterday. Yesterday I came home from church and driving around with some family members, and I had to stew in my room. I looked back over the day and realized that nothing had gone bad, nothing big. I also realized that I was livid. My heart had been broken (something I had to let happen for my own good) and I wanted to know what God expected me to do and to have the desire to do it. I was not happy with just getting by; what reassurance did I have that the next time He would be there to help me by again (like say, in the next five minutes??)?

I can say that two things have kept me going, kept me seeking Him, two reasons why I have not done a lick of homework, two reasons why I am joyful despite the frown you may see on my face right now: Obedience and taking an honest look at God’s Word. So if God told me to pray about something and I did not know what to pray or was afraid to pray (for fear that He’d answer… another story), I would ask Him to do as He willed to do in that area, life, situation. And when He nudged me to read His Word, I did so with brutal honesty… and was very much changed with the encounter. I believe that is when I began to appreciate intellectual worship. Because while my heart was a bloody mess of an organ, my mind was being renewed by Truth. It did not matter that bad things would continue to happen, it did not matter that my friends were so much more intelligent and hopeful than I, and it didn’t matter that my future husband was someone I was not too keen on praying for.  All that mattered was that God was who He said He was, and if He wanted to grow me up during this breaking season and tell me to trust and obey, well then by His Grace I was going to do just that.

There is hope for us emotionally and intellectually-based worshippers alike. His name is Jesus; head-bang into His Grace and find hope and life J

God is SO good! Reality has set in. Dreams I had wished to acquire sooner seem to be put off until later. Pain is a real part of life and must be experienced if I am to grow in Christ and compassion. People will not understand and people will not always be there. What we want takes effort on our part, and this is only the beginning. Where is the joy in all of this? Where is the hope? In the very first line, the very first word. GOD. He is so good! Why? In all of this, He has given me reassurance time and again that He is ever faithful. Sometimes that comes about by His arms circling around me, sometimes in the moments I sense He calling me to worship Him through an unforeseen (by me, not Him) hurt. No matter what, when I reach for Him and determine to love and trust my Faithful Friend, He is ever there. Goodness, even when I don’t, He reaches out to me in one way or another. But this is a relationship. He came 99.999% of the way. It is my job to come that measly .001%. Even when that fraction of a step costs me even more pain and wondering if it’s really worth it, the Holy Spirit reminds me of the suffering Jesus did for me—the cross, the being misunderstood, the beatings, the talking to people who just would not receive Him—and I have the strength to reach up to my heavenly Father and receive His Grace and Renewing Love. I tell you what, when I am weak, He is strong. I’ll take His strength over mine any day.

Some Kind of Fear

I am not sure when it began, but at some point in my past I began to fear being clingy. It may have started when I was in high school and saw how emotional and illogical I was. With all the mistakes I made, with the high standard others held me to, and with the scars and shortcomings I saw so plainly, I developed this fear of being one of those people who unload all of their crap on others and walk off with a grin because (temporarily) their shoulders are lighter. There is a time to unload and a time to give the sparks notes version and, finally, a time to keep quiet. I have always preferred the quiet approach or sparks notes…

Apparently I have a problem with talking about my problems. I have noticed this lately; my tendency to always present things in a way that makes it seem as if, as bad as things may feel or be, because I am a Christian, I must have a great attitude about it. This weekend I went on a retreat with my small group from church. The night after the first service we talked about what most stuck out to us most during the sermon/talk. As everyone was going around, I felt this anger just swell up inside of me, and it scared me. Being emotional is one thing; being emotional and feeling like you have to keep it all in is… frightening.

"What about you, Alex, what did you get out of service?" I was honest. After the three hour session, what hit me the most was the brief discussion that was had concerning anger. I had realized that I was angry because I have come to believe the lie the enemy was telling me that I had to be there for everyone but no one would be there for me. That was not true at all; I could think of two wonderful people who I talk to about the majority of what goes on in my life. I told my small group about one in particular.

"But do you tell them everything?" Of course not! Why would I tell anyone everything!?

"Well, everyone needs someone they can tell everything to, who they can go to and just unload." Yeah, duh! His name is Jesus. Heard of Him? Well, I didn't say that because I knew they weren't going to take that. Everyone seemed surprised that I did not have that one person whom I could go to to tell everything to. Seriously, what human being can anyone go to to tell everything to? So I was honest.

"I don't want to be clingy." You should have seen the looks of incredulous disbelief at my reason for why I choose not to divulge my life story to anyone in particular. Seriously.

"Alexandria, you are the farthest thing from clingy." I can't tell you how many times I heard this that night. It made me feel very good about myself. It also made me realize that in my attempts to not be clingy, I inadvertently made myself kept more than I should.  But I tell so and so this and I talk to so and so quite often, I tell myself and God. And I do. But to tell everything I feel, everything I go through to a human being? Um… what? If I did that to a human being, they would run away in horror. They can go to bed that night and realize that I am too much for them to handle. Yeah, I don't think so. What human being can handle all of me?

What took me by surprise was that this was not just the high school girls who were voicing their concern at my confession. There were also my college friends and 40 year old small group leaders. One in particular voiced a realization she had just had in the midst of our talking/my therapy session.

"I'd always admired your ability to talk to God so honestly. You would argue with Him and just be real and now I know why." At this point, I had no idea what this had to do with my telling my life story to another human being and then continuing to let them in on my mess as time wore on. "You know that He will never leave you." Ah… connection made.

And that was exactly right. Of course I can argue with, wrestle with, yell at, curse at (not curse, but curse at, like, "Heck no I'm not going through this cow poop") God; He's God. He is Love, He is perfect, and He is strong enough to handle my cow poop. But what human being is able to handle it? What human being would willingly handle my story, and then stick around to find out what else life has for me as the years go by?

I am so scared. Not because my small group said I need to have someone to talk to and be honest with or because I am considering the fact that they might be right. No, I'm scared because while all this conversation was going on, God was speaking. And I was not comfortable with what He is saying.

I have spent the last… let's see, how old was I in Kindergarten? I have spent the last 16 years wanting a guy to notice me. Yeah, I started young. Ever since prit and prat walked around the kindergarten classroom with hunky boy in between them and prit told me that I liked him but let me know that I was wasting my little emotions on someone who could never like me back… I have been longing to be liked back. In fact, it has probably only been in the last two or three weeks that I have had a stable desire to not date for such an extended period of time. Not because I have given up on hope but because I have found a much greater, stronger, and more stable Love than the kind I had been seeking since I was 5. However, if this is true, why do I not just trust this greater, stronger, and more stable Love when He tells me He has someone for me? Honestly, because the possibility of that coming true does not look too good. I am not saying that the second God brings this person in my life that they will hear my life story from conception til the now. However, I am not sure I can wrap my mind around how this person can handle me on the whole… I am not sure I can even handle myself.

I've spent a good portion of my life afraid of being too much, and have succeeded in not being so (most of the time). Oh, I know when I've made someone tired; I've seen the look in a family member’s eyes as I have let go of my burden with them and watched them feel the weight. I have called my dear Grandma two days in a row and promised myself the third day I would not burden her with my mess until I got a handle on things. And I have had others lay their burdens on my shoulders without caring how their weight has greatly increased my own. I just don't want to be a burden. I don't want to be a weight. I don't want to be left alone.

But you know what? If I'm going to survive, I'm going to have to be vulnerable. Whenever God brings that person into my life, I am going to have to be a weight, a bother, a me. And, in turn, I pray that they are that to me. But, even more, I pray that, after we unload, we turn to our Heavenly Father, our great, strong, and stable Lover of our Souls. And I pray that, everyday of our lives, from now until forever, we grow deeper and more grounded in His great, inexhaustible Love for us. Hallelujah.

Chicken...

This post has nothing to do with chicken...

This past December, God has been teaching me about loving selflessly: not loving in order to be loved back, loving in order to be understood, or loving in order to be satisfied in some way, shape or form. This kind of love does not seek what can be gained but instead what can be given, all to the glory of God and the honor and blessing of others. I have been safely learning this lesson while home for Christmas break, and by this time next week I will continue being taught this at school… with a lot more people… and I feel a lot of fear right now.

I have personally come to the conclusion that I do not completely understand God or myself. I know that He is perfect and keeps His promises; I know that I am imperfect and do not always keep my word. I know that He is forever faithful; I know that sometimes I’m just not in the mood to care. I know that He has my best interest in mind; I know that there are times when I just want what I want, so get off of my case, thank you! But love—the kind we learn to give to those we care about most as well as those we care never to see again—that kind of love changes you. It gets down to the heart of things, shines a light, and says, “Yep. We have quite a bit of work to do. Are you up for it?” And let me tell you, it is an option. True love is not going to force you to do anything. True love is going to look at you with its big, beautiful, innocent eyes and ask you if you are willing to partake in a lifelong process that will cause you to work harder and give more of yourself than you ever thought possible. But you know what I found to be amazing? In that process, we can experience more joy than if we partook in the world’s cheap, selfish version of love.

I’m sleepy. I will spend the rest of tonight, tomorrow, and the next few weeks thinking about this, living it out, and crying about some things, no doubt (because that’s what I do when I am overcome with lots o’ emotion, and that is just bound to happen before the month is passed).

Otay, I pray this blesses someone. Good night! Jesus loves you J

P.S.—I believe those tears I will shed will be good ones, the kind that tear down pride and make a little woman out of me and continue to show me the beauty of leaning on God’s strength in my weakness. So, there’s no need for me to be afraid J

Psalm 34:19-22

"Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
But the Lord delivers him out of them all.
He guards all his bones;
Not one of them is broken.
Evil shall slay the wicked,
And those who hate the righteous shall be condemned.
The Lord redeems the soul of His servants,
And none of those who trust in Him shall be condemned."

Rambling on about faith, trust, and why I’m awake at 4 in the morning when I’m not supposed to get up for another hour…

I don’t like people to know when I am down or feeling weak for two main reasons. One, I feel like I’m expected to be okay. Two, most of the time people aren’t able to be there for me, so it’s easier to just keep the deep, hard things to myself…

So once again God has awakened me in the early hours of the morning to talk to me. Only this time He’s not just informing me about our normal 4/5 in the morning conversations, but He is providing me with the opportunity to filter through whatever it is that is holding me back from trusting Him. I do not trust Him, and what is slightly ironic is that I had convinced myself I trusted Him.

What’s not to trust? God of the universe, Lover of my soul, Faithful Friend, the ONLY One who is ALWAYS there for me when I need Him. Seriously, what is there not to trust? Why do I struggle so badly? Well, maybe the fact that what God is promising me is ridiculously beautiful, and unlike my friend with whom I had a wonderful conversation the other day, I cannot embrace this. Not love, not an amazing career opportunity that I am now working toward. Why not??? …fear…

A month or two ago, Daddy let me know that when I am married my husband will not ALWAYS be there for me when I needed him, and He gave me the opportunity to learn early what it is like to lean on Him for my every comfort, fulfillment, and provision, whether that be directly from Him or through a human being. Well, over breaks such as the one I’m on now I get to do that explicitly; with both parents working and not able to give their college-aged daughter the attention she needs (and, yes, it slightly rankles my pride to know that I still want and need my parents attention and care as an adult, but it only hurts because I need it and feel as if they can’t give to me as much as I need because of their schedules) I have a great opportunity to do so. But away from friends and peers that I am use to seeing and hanging out with on a fairly regular basis during school, it is a huge contrast being back at home.

Do you know what it is like to get a really good hug? I don’t mean a romantic one, but a nice, warm, loving hug that you feel in your heart. I’d like one of those right now, but for some reason Heaven (my pillow pet/son) isn't cutting it right now.

And now I’m at that place where I am hurting so badly that my arms are numb and I have to blow my nose every five minutes so I can breathe. This is why I don’t share my blog with family and friends; I don’t like most people in my life to know when I struggle because they cannot always be there for me when I need them. Yes, I am aware that no human being is able to be there for any human being at every time they are needed, and I know it is wrong to lock people out because of their humanness, but it hurts so badly to reach out and find someone there sometimes but not there all the time. I don’t want another reason to hurt…

And although I know that is wrong and I know that God is faithful and I know He will help me through all of this and will bring someone to help me carry the burden a few more steps… and although there are still tears in my eyes and I’ll have to blow my nose again… I’m at peace. This is a part of my faith in God I wish I could help people who do not believe to understand: I am not happy right now, but I am so full of joy and hope. I see no practical reason to stay alive when life consists of this kind of pain; but I rejoice at the thought of having the Grace to see another day. I do not understand how love does any good when it can’t be expressed in the way one wants it to be for reasons that cannot and should not be altered at the time, but I know that loving is exactly what I am doing right now because although I see nothing in it for me any time soon, I still desire to live out my care. That, my dear friends, is the beauty of God. In all of this… crap, there is a hope, joy, and love I cannot deny, and let me tell you, it came from no human being, no chemical reaction in my brain, and no practical reasoning I can summon. Even in the midst of this lonely, seemingly pointless Christmas break, I can sincerely smile and be thankful to be alive. Why? Because God is faithful, He is Love, and He is righteous.

And that is something I neither want to ever forget nor keep to myself. Something I was reminded of as I listened to S.O.’s cd So It Continues is that growing in Christ does not entail us becoming stronger and more able to handle life on our own as mature, capable adults. In contrast, it consists of us growing in Christ’s strength, which means we grow in our ability and tendency to run directly to our Daddy when something goes right, wrong, or horribly wrong, curl up in His arms and express our need for Him, rejoice in His righteousness and faithfulness, and all the while live out our relationship with Him, more determined each day to love Him, always being sincere and open with God, others, and ourselves. Our weakness is for our and others’ benefit, and this is saying something, seeing as I thrive to know that I can be as adult like as my friends and peers. Don’t get me wrong, I am not bashing being an adult; adulthood is not a sin. But when we are focused on how capable we are and how far we’ve come and how much stronger we our… leaving God and all He has done for and in us out of the picture, that’s when the problem arises.

Otay, this probably doesn’t have the greatest flow, but I’m out solely to live out my relationship with my Savior Daddy and be broken for His glory and for the benefit of others and myself.

Good morning :D 

God

Today I was shaken to my core by the realization that I not only need God, but I must have Him.

Let me explain via a short story:

I use to hate the song "How He Loves Me." I remember when I first heard it; standing there in church with my arms down at my side in defiance, I told God "This is not a worship song. We're supposed to be worshipping You, not telling ourselves how much You love us. We're supposed to be loving You." I remember God telling me, "Sing that song to Me," which made no logical sense to me (I truly believe that one day I will fully understand that God is not bound by human logic). I know that God has called us to surrender our lives to Him, but do we know what that looks like. And, call me overly emotional, but do we know what that feels like? Well, I do not know how to explain it to you, but I can tell you that as I sang "How He Loves Us" to my Daddy, and every time I have sung it afterward, I have felt His Love. And if you thought the love of a friend, family member, or lover was indescribable and incomparable… You should join me as I taste and see that the Lord is good :D

The reason why only God can fulfill us is because He is the only entity that exists without the help of others-- anything and everything else exist as a result of His creating it. Today I was shaken to my core by the realization that I not only need God, but I must have Him.

W0rship

“Life is full of light and shadow

O the joy and O the sorrow

O the sorrow

And yet will He bring

Dark to light

And yet will He bring

Day from night”

-David Crowder Band, “Shadows”

Victory comes in our praises. I’ve heard that for years and have believed it off and on for years and now I know it’s true. What can be annoying about praising God is that sometimes, while we are joyously singing His praises, we may not feel like doing it. It’s like a husband and wife learning the art of intimacy—we have to learn to worship God because it is a part of our relationship with Him. And just like intimacy can take work and effort, so, sometimes, praising our faithful Father takes work and effort.

I cannot explain to you how much I would feel like cow poop—just a few years ago—lifting up my hands to God and singing about how glorious He was when I would much prefer to go play in traffic. Yes, I know that’s horrible, but it’s true. At the same time I remember thatr after a while I would completely forget about the highway and all of my problems because I was caught up in how truly glorious and faithful my Father is! It’s amazing how the victory is truly won when we let God know that even though it seems, feels, looks like, and may be the worst day of our entire lives thus far, we trust Him to work it out for our good and bring us through alive and well.

And guess what? Sometimes when we’ve worship, cried, and leaped in the air out of pure ecstasy, things may very well seem, look, and feel like they did before we gave everything to our Father. HOWEVER, the key is to keep trusting Him and continue speaking out of faith, not out of emotion. Because, my dear friends, what we see is temporal, but what we do not see is eternal... (2 Corinthians 4:18).

Context:

2 Corinthians 3:7-5:8

Glory of the New Covenant

7 But if the ministry of death, written and engraved on stones, was glorious, so that the children of Israel could not look steadily at the face of Moses because of the glory of his countenance, which glory was passing away, 8 how will the ministry of the Spirit not be more glorious? 9 For if the ministry of condemnation had glory, the ministry of righteousness exceeds much more in glory. 10 For even what was made glorious had no glory in this respect, because of the glory that excels. 11 For if what is passing away was glorious, what remains is much more glorious.

12 Therefore, since we have such hope, we use great boldness of speech— 13 unlike Moses, who put a veil over his face so that the children of Israel could not look steadily at the end of what was passing away. 14 But their minds were blinded. For until this day the same veil remains unlifted in the reading of the Old Testament, because the veil is taken away in Christ. 15 But even to this day, when Moses is read, a veil lies on their heart. 16 Nevertheless when one turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. 17 Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. 18 But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.

The Light of Christ’s Gospel

4 Therefore, since we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we do not lose heart. 2 But we have renounced the hidden things of shame, not walking in craftiness nor handling the word of God deceitfully, but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God. 3 But even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing, 4 whose minds the god of this age has blinded, who do not believe, lest the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine on them. 5 For we do not preach ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord, and ourselves your bondservants for Jesus’ sake. 6 For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

Cast Down but Unconquered

7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. 8 We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— 10 always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. 11 For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus’ sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. 12 So then death is working in us, but life in you.

13 And since we have the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, “I believed and therefore I spoke,”[a] we also believe and therefore speak, 14 knowing that He who raised up the Lord Jesus will also raise us up with Jesus, and will present us with you. 15 For all things are for your sakes, that grace, having spread through the many, may cause thanksgiving to abound to the glory of God.

Seeing the Invisible

16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. 17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, 18 while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

Assurance of the Resurrection

5 For we know that if our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. 2 For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed with our habitation which is from heaven, 3 if indeed, having been clothed, we shall not be found naked. 4 For we who are in this tent groan, being burdened, not because we want to be unclothed, but further clothed, that mortality may be swallowed up by life. 5 Now He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who also has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.

6 So we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord. 7 For we walk by faith, not by sight. 8 We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.¹

Footnote: ¹www.biblegateway.com

C0ntentment and Stability

Today I woke up to my Father’s arms around me, and it was beautiful because it’s a feeling I have longed for for forever. Even so, in the midst of feeling loved, I have this tendency to wander away from the Source of my strength.

God’s love is constant; that’s something I cannot wrap my mind around because I don’t know anyone or anything else that is constant. In my generation, everything changes quickly. From music styles to iPhones to someone’s love interest to my view of God—there seems to be no keeping up.

Am I the only one who feels the need, after an extended period of time of being at peace and sensing God’s Love, to find something different to fill the hole in my heart—that God-shaped hole. I want something new, something tangible, something that feels different; I stop pursuing, stop seeking, because I don’ feel like I need Him anymore. But then something bad, scary, or life-changing happens… and I need my Daddy again. Really?

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.” Deuteronomy 6:4

In one of the books from my Bible classes, I learned that this verse, which is repeated throughout Deuteronomy, speaks on God’s consistent character ¹. He is never-changing, He is constant. There is no “God of the Old Testament” and “God of the New Testament”. There is One God, YHWH, and every time I type, read, or really thinking about that, my world comes to a stop and it’s as if everything in me recognizes this statement they haven’t heard for a long time.

God, You have been so good. Father, I don’t know why it is that You have the desire to reach out to me the way You do, but I could never be thankful enough. Daddy, don’t let me walk away from Your arms. Incline my heart to Yours so that “all my delight is in You Lord”². I am not saying that people, or even things, are bad. However, when we start obsessing over who we need to be surrounded by right now, how it doesn't feel the same when I don’t have A, B, and C with me—that’s when the problem arises. If what Christ offered us when He died on the cross was a relationship, why do we neglect what we have with our Savior when we need Him the most?

All in all, I know better than to run away from Him, no matter how hyper, discontent, or whatever I am in the moment. Family and friends—golly, even material things—are a blessing, and I will cherish the people and be thankful for the objects while they are in my life. However, I know who my Constant is, and I will spend my life pursuing Him and giving Him my love :D

Footnote:

 ¹ Arnold, B.T. & Beyer, B. E. (2008). Encountering the Old Testament: A Christian survey. p.146. Grand Rapids:MI. BakerAcademic.

² Hillsong, “None But Jesus”, http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/hillsongunited/nonebutjesus.html