Chosen Weakness, Trust, and God's Timing

Jesus: “Trust my timing. It is perfect. I will work everything out, dear.”

Me: “Maybe, instead of waiting, I could just…”

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (Italics added)

For the longest time I read this verse and thought of "weaknesses" as being those imperfections I could not fix about myself. There are places in each of our hearts that only God's Grace and Love can change, heal, renew, and revive. There are characteristics about us that may not be ideal, but until God puts His hands on them, we must entrust them in His hands.

However, I have lately found God speaking to me about weaknesses beyond those which I need Him to fix. I see things in my life, or "weaknesses", that I can easily take care of without anyone’s help. Doesn't God help those who help themselves? What does the Word say about those things?

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (Italics added)

I tell Jesus, "I can handle this; I know how to fix this. If I just say this, do that, and make this happen, the situation will be better. Why wait on Your timing?" Or, "Why wait for You to use someone else, another human being to take care of something that I am perfectly capable of handling on my own??"

Seriously, there are situations I could easily get myself out of, fix, or make even better, but more often than not I sense the Holy Spirit whispering, "Not now, Daughter. Let that go. Let Me handle that."

Why does God want us to entrust every area of our lives into His hands (which can sometimes entail entrusting others with such areas)? Aren't we supposed to grow up, mature, and learn to handle life on our own? Why does the most simple thing, dream, or desire seem to entail the indepth details?

These are all questions to which I do not have answers. This is when faith steps in. I have come to learn that often faith requires more work, more energy, more effort than my quick "fixes" would call for-- at least initially. Honestly, I know (and have come to realize through a recent pride-shattering event) that the after effects of my… ahem, “helping” end up taking more time and effort to clean up than if I would have left the situation alone and in God’s capable and trustworthy hands.

Something else God has been speaking to me lately:

“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.”

Isaiah 55:10-11

God's Word is faithful, and when He promises us something, it will come about. Does this mean it will happen when and how we want it to. Probably not. Does that mean it will happen just as He planned, for our good? Yes!

And in those moments when we may be tempted to rush things along or "help out" God, we can remember that our weaknesses-- whether the kind that we were born with or the kind that manifest themselves in our obedience and submission to God-- allow God to show Himself strong and faithful, for our good and to His glory.

"Through the intimacy of our relationship, you are being transformed from the inside out. As you keep your focus on Me, I form you into the one I desire you to be. Your part is to yield to My creative work in you, neither resisting it nor trying to speed it up. Enjoy the tempo of a God-breathed life by letting Me set the pace. Hold My hand in childlike trust, and the way before you will open up step by step."

- Jesus Calling, January 25

A Positive Word

Believing is not seeing. I am not here to give the definitions for belief, faith, hope, and trust. All I know about all of these wonderful words is that they have a lot to do with not seeing. With being blind. With possibly looking stupid and being misunderstood or left to trust God despite how alone we may feel in the process. They require not being in control. They require us to keep going, maybe not even in the area that we are hoping, believing, having faith, or trusting God to move in. At times they require a lot of prayer and other times they require a lot of tears just for us to release whatever emotions we have been keeping in for too long. Everyday they require the Grace of God, lest we slip and fall into hopelessness, distrust, faithlessness, and disbelief. Moments of this are normal, but to fall into their darkened pit is not to be preferred.

I know that it is always worth it. It is always worth the risk of being hurt and it is always worth not feeling like things will turn out. We will not always understand; I think most of the time we won't. But God is a faithful Father, and He delights in giving us good and perfect gift.

So maybe I do not see or understand or even like how things are now; but there is always belief, faith, hope, and trust. And also, there's Love-- the kind that never disappoints, the kind that never fails.

I think I'm covered. I think we all are ;)

Perfect?

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.” James 1:17 NKJV

I have wondered for years how this could be true. Take, for example, a dream job (notice my very obvious attempt to stay away from the subject of… well, you know). No matter how much one has longed for, prayed for, or worked for that dream job, and even when God blesses one with it, is that job really perfect? Are there not rude and selfish people one must encounter? Are there not aspects of said job that leave one drained and wondering if it worth it. Sure, in the end one may come to realize it is indeed worth it; still I would wonder, why the struggle if this good and perfect gift is from God.

Finally after wondering for so long, the Holy Spirit revealed to me, “The gift is perfect because it comes from God, not because it is in and of itself without flaw. God gives it its worth just like He gives you your worth.” Well, that made a lot more sense! I’m sorry fro the revisiting of this subject, but take, for example, a spouse. God can bless one’s love story and if you and your significant other follow His intended plan, both husband and wife can come to realize that their spouse is in fact a good and perfect gift from God. This is not, however, because the person you are marrying is without a flaw, without their nuances and pet peeves. However, it does mean that because they are someone God has ordained you to be with that, by closely following His lead and trusting His direction, you can have a love story that is worth the pain, disagreements and hardships you will be bound to face.

This goes for every “good and perfect gift from above”. God is very much in the way of giving good and perfect gifts because He Himself is good and perfect. Our job is to rejoice in Him and always remember that it is Him we are serving, Loving, and praising NOT the gift. He deserves our relentless gaze of appreciation. The gift should, without a doubt, be cherished and honored, but it does not deserve our undivided attention. Our Heavenly Father does.

To God be the glory for every good and perfect gift He gives, for Who He is in and of Himself—good and perfect! Hallelujah!

Faith...

An awesome aspect of walking out our faith in God is that we move from the mindset and heart-set of, "Okay, this feel right" to "I don't give a flying fig tree how this feels, I know what my Daddy said and I'm moving forward with Him, trusting that He is as faithful today as He has been every day of His existence."

"He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform. Romans 4:20-21 NKJV

Into Daddy's Arms

"Yes, I see it all now:
    I’m the Lord’s maid, ready to serve.
Let it be with me
    just as you say."

Luke 1:37

I see now that I do not fully understand what it must have felt like to entrust one's future to God like Mary did. She had the options of obeying God and carrying His child in her womb at the risk of her life and reputation or she could turn away from such a risk and preserve both. But she took a leap of faith into her Daddy's arms and He came through. She responded like we all need to in moments of desperation, pain, and the promise of hope at the hands of our merciful and compassionate Father.

"Yes, Daddy, I see how this situation should work: I belong to You, and I serve You. However You say things need to be, let them be so."

Trust does not always feel good in the moment, dear, but look to God. He is FAITHFUL. Read the rest of the story ;)

Rambling on about faith, trust, and why I’m awake at 4 in the morning when I’m not supposed to get up for another hour…

I don’t like people to know when I am down or feeling weak for two main reasons. One, I feel like I’m expected to be okay. Two, most of the time people aren’t able to be there for me, so it’s easier to just keep the deep, hard things to myself…

So once again God has awakened me in the early hours of the morning to talk to me. Only this time He’s not just informing me about our normal 4/5 in the morning conversations, but He is providing me with the opportunity to filter through whatever it is that is holding me back from trusting Him. I do not trust Him, and what is slightly ironic is that I had convinced myself I trusted Him.

What’s not to trust? God of the universe, Lover of my soul, Faithful Friend, the ONLY One who is ALWAYS there for me when I need Him. Seriously, what is there not to trust? Why do I struggle so badly? Well, maybe the fact that what God is promising me is ridiculously beautiful, and unlike my friend with whom I had a wonderful conversation the other day, I cannot embrace this. Not love, not an amazing career opportunity that I am now working toward. Why not??? …fear…

A month or two ago, Daddy let me know that when I am married my husband will not ALWAYS be there for me when I needed him, and He gave me the opportunity to learn early what it is like to lean on Him for my every comfort, fulfillment, and provision, whether that be directly from Him or through a human being. Well, over breaks such as the one I’m on now I get to do that explicitly; with both parents working and not able to give their college-aged daughter the attention she needs (and, yes, it slightly rankles my pride to know that I still want and need my parents attention and care as an adult, but it only hurts because I need it and feel as if they can’t give to me as much as I need because of their schedules) I have a great opportunity to do so. But away from friends and peers that I am use to seeing and hanging out with on a fairly regular basis during school, it is a huge contrast being back at home.

Do you know what it is like to get a really good hug? I don’t mean a romantic one, but a nice, warm, loving hug that you feel in your heart. I’d like one of those right now, but for some reason Heaven (my pillow pet/son) isn't cutting it right now.

And now I’m at that place where I am hurting so badly that my arms are numb and I have to blow my nose every five minutes so I can breathe. This is why I don’t share my blog with family and friends; I don’t like most people in my life to know when I struggle because they cannot always be there for me when I need them. Yes, I am aware that no human being is able to be there for any human being at every time they are needed, and I know it is wrong to lock people out because of their humanness, but it hurts so badly to reach out and find someone there sometimes but not there all the time. I don’t want another reason to hurt…

And although I know that is wrong and I know that God is faithful and I know He will help me through all of this and will bring someone to help me carry the burden a few more steps… and although there are still tears in my eyes and I’ll have to blow my nose again… I’m at peace. This is a part of my faith in God I wish I could help people who do not believe to understand: I am not happy right now, but I am so full of joy and hope. I see no practical reason to stay alive when life consists of this kind of pain; but I rejoice at the thought of having the Grace to see another day. I do not understand how love does any good when it can’t be expressed in the way one wants it to be for reasons that cannot and should not be altered at the time, but I know that loving is exactly what I am doing right now because although I see nothing in it for me any time soon, I still desire to live out my care. That, my dear friends, is the beauty of God. In all of this… crap, there is a hope, joy, and love I cannot deny, and let me tell you, it came from no human being, no chemical reaction in my brain, and no practical reasoning I can summon. Even in the midst of this lonely, seemingly pointless Christmas break, I can sincerely smile and be thankful to be alive. Why? Because God is faithful, He is Love, and He is righteous.

And that is something I neither want to ever forget nor keep to myself. Something I was reminded of as I listened to S.O.’s cd So It Continues is that growing in Christ does not entail us becoming stronger and more able to handle life on our own as mature, capable adults. In contrast, it consists of us growing in Christ’s strength, which means we grow in our ability and tendency to run directly to our Daddy when something goes right, wrong, or horribly wrong, curl up in His arms and express our need for Him, rejoice in His righteousness and faithfulness, and all the while live out our relationship with Him, more determined each day to love Him, always being sincere and open with God, others, and ourselves. Our weakness is for our and others’ benefit, and this is saying something, seeing as I thrive to know that I can be as adult like as my friends and peers. Don’t get me wrong, I am not bashing being an adult; adulthood is not a sin. But when we are focused on how capable we are and how far we’ve come and how much stronger we our… leaving God and all He has done for and in us out of the picture, that’s when the problem arises.

Otay, this probably doesn’t have the greatest flow, but I’m out solely to live out my relationship with my Savior Daddy and be broken for His glory and for the benefit of others and myself.

Good morning :D