Different Worshippers and their Common Perk in Life

I have heard of intellectual worshippers before. I am pretty sure I initially assumed that the term was a nice way of saying, “You’re a scardy-cat.” Now I think very differently.

If an emotional worshipper ( and I assume that it what I would be coined) is someone who feeds off of feeling God’s Presence and having an emotional encounter with Him, then I assume an intellectual worshipper is one who feeds off of having new levels of understanding about God and having intellectual encounters with him. Hmm.

At least that’s what I thought. There are down sides to both: With an emotional worshipper, they may struggle whenever they don’t feel God. Also, they must learn how to go through life without feeling like everything is good and feeling like God will come through. On the other hand, an intellectual worshipper might struggle when they do not understand God. Along these same lines, they must learn how to of through life without understanding everything and understanding that although God will come through, it is on His terms, not ours.

I have always been an emotional worshipper, so life is basically over when I do not feel like everything is going dandily. Up until yesterday, that is. For the past few months I have had to keep going with the public face that everything is okay. Sometimes I felt the need to do this with my friends because it seemed idiotic to me to be down all the time. I was constantly urged to not meditate on the negative. “You can’t do that, you have to trust God. You have to think on all the good that has come out of this and know that good will come out of it.” To which I mentally responded, “Because every time something good came out of the pain and frustration, more bad trailed behind it. Yeah, so that makes perfect sense… Focus on the positive while life and God screw you over. Yeah… what an idea.” These things should not be uttered out loud, just to warn all of you. You will either cause them to draw back in surprise and hurt OR you will light their fire and they’ll repeat what they said in hopes that by hearing their lecture three more times you’ll get it through your skull. Both of these types of people love me dearly and I am blessed to have them in my life.

I needed to hear their words of encouragement and spurring on—even in lecture (a.k.a. emotional torture) form. I also needed to be left to hurt at some points, like yesterday. Yesterday I came home from church and driving around with some family members, and I had to stew in my room. I looked back over the day and realized that nothing had gone bad, nothing big. I also realized that I was livid. My heart had been broken (something I had to let happen for my own good) and I wanted to know what God expected me to do and to have the desire to do it. I was not happy with just getting by; what reassurance did I have that the next time He would be there to help me by again (like say, in the next five minutes??)?

I can say that two things have kept me going, kept me seeking Him, two reasons why I have not done a lick of homework, two reasons why I am joyful despite the frown you may see on my face right now: Obedience and taking an honest look at God’s Word. So if God told me to pray about something and I did not know what to pray or was afraid to pray (for fear that He’d answer… another story), I would ask Him to do as He willed to do in that area, life, situation. And when He nudged me to read His Word, I did so with brutal honesty… and was very much changed with the encounter. I believe that is when I began to appreciate intellectual worship. Because while my heart was a bloody mess of an organ, my mind was being renewed by Truth. It did not matter that bad things would continue to happen, it did not matter that my friends were so much more intelligent and hopeful than I, and it didn’t matter that my future husband was someone I was not too keen on praying for.  All that mattered was that God was who He said He was, and if He wanted to grow me up during this breaking season and tell me to trust and obey, well then by His Grace I was going to do just that.

There is hope for us emotionally and intellectually-based worshippers alike. His name is Jesus; head-bang into His Grace and find hope and life J

Worth the Wait (God's Promises)

"If I didn't know God was good, I would think He was devious."

This was something I told my friend this past Wednesday. This came out the realization that some of the blessings He had given me (insight into the future, people who comforted me, etc.) were consistently followed by a painful experience. For example, God would tell me one morning that in the future money would rain down from the sky and I would become an instant millionaire (not really, but just follow me). Then, as the day progressed I would be around people I loved and they would be talking to each other about how the money rain everyone around gets this time of year is coming less and less often and pretty soon it would stop coming all together. Well now, we know that God is a keeper of His Word and that He allows all things to work out for our good, but what in the world was the point of His giving me a promise only to have it laughed at by those around me, those who have no idea what He has promised but, all the same, were letting me know that what He promised could never come to pass.

However, He allowed those moments of doubt and fear that what He promised would not come to pass because He knew they would lead me to the place where I no longer had the emotional capacity to handle the doubt and fear. By Friday or Saturday, I was emotionally depleted. I was no longer able to do anything but trust God.

"Alexandria, I love you."

"I know You do, Daddy; I love You too,"

"Alexandria, I have great plans for you; I just ask you to trust, follow, and obey Me."

"Whatever You say, I will do."

"Alexandria, I have a man for you who will love you and cherish you and understand you and listen to you. Basically he will be everything you dreamed but never imagined would be, and more."

"Of course You do! You're God and You Love me and You are faithful to Your Word."

The only difference between these conversations and the ones we have had in the past is that there is not one hint of sarcasm in my response. Even now as I sit here, emotionally stabilized and still receiving care and renewing by my Savior, I refuse to allow myself to doubt. I came to the point yesterday where I could no longer hold on to the edge of the cliff, I could no longer fight to keep my head above water, so I asked God to keep me. And you know what I found out? I was neither plummeting to my death nor was I drowning. I was falling into the arms of my Heavenly Father; I was floating. I have never had skydiving or swimming lessons, so both are miracles in and of themselves.

My ever Faithful Friend is guiding me out of this mindset that what He does is simply to see whether or not I hold up through the pain. Just like a husband who promises his pregnant wife that he will get them out of their financial dilemma if she just gives him time, God wants me to have faith in Him. He wants me to praise Him for the good He does. He wants me to acknowledge the good I see in Him even when my eyes are taking in the hell and pain and lies and disappointments around me.  But He does not want this because He is longs for and needs my strength. No. My God is Love and a Rock, and longs for me to rely on Him and release the unnecessary burdens of control and fear that I cling to like a lover.

So what if a conversation or a thought or a situation contradicts God's promises? Does His faithfulness depend on the words or beliefs of a mere human being? No. Even so, He desires us to rely on Him, to focus on His goodness and Truth, to renew our mind with His faithful promises (a.k.a., His Word), and to live totally dependent on Him and not on physical reassurance. What we see will not be here forever; what we don't see will last an eternity.

So join me in this adventure to trust God! Sure, it may take years for us to see the results of the faith, praise, and prayers we are sowing now, but the wait, with God and each other, need not be tedious. Every moment is worth living  with our Savior and True Love :)