Christmas Break Goal Day 1- Veggietales, The Little House That Stood

This is a Veggietales week; I decided that after a few days of pushing to get everything done early (i.e. three take home exams), and with a few more school-related details to finish up, I needed to start off easy.

This is one of my favorite Veggietales to-date because of the humor and, obviously, the message. The Little House That Stood  has two fairy tale-twists to the parables of the Wise and Foolish Builders (Matthew 7:24-27) and the Good Samaritan (Matthew 5:25-37). My favorite part is normally the first one, but because I was watching with my brothers (one of which was doing the dishes while the other was on his cellphone… like me) it was hard to pay close attention to what was going on. Surprisingly, what caught my attention this time around was the Humpty-Dumpty’s attitude in “The Good Egg of Gooseville”. He was so determined to fix his cracking shell and go on a vacation that he overlooked the needs of others, even to the extent of pushing away the little bear who wanted to help him help others. Children have such an innocent and simple outlook on life, and I wonder how many times I decide life is too complicated, hard, and rough that I don’t need to do what I know is right, no matter that cost I will pay.

Honestly, I see myself as a very selfless person— just recently I  was telling a friend how I wanted to have someone care for me the way I do for others. I know this is a normal desire, and I do not believe it is sinful. Even so, I am also aware that I will not get very far if I walk around with the mindset of, “Why don’t you serve me for a change!” Would it be nice to have someone plan their time around me, go out fo their way to be there for me when I need them, and take the time to listen to my list of complaints like Humpty did in the fairytale parable? Of course. But is life really about what people can do for me, or even what I can do for them? No. It is about honoring and loving God, others, and ourselves. Quite often this will neither look nor feel the way we want it to, but that’s alright because at the end of the day it is always worth it. I am learning (ever learning) to balance giving my time to others, to God, and to myself. I am not sure I will ever get it fully right while I’m here, but just like Humpty learned the beauty of caring for others and accepting the care of others to be a worthwhile adventure, I’m not doubtful that I will find the same to be true for me. And I hope that you come to find the same to be true for yourself.

Waiting

I just got off of Skype with one of my friends. I was talking to her about how, if I were honest, even though I have no desire to date and I am not ready for/do not want marriage right now, if I were to meet a godly young man that I was attracted to I would want to date him. Now, this may not sound so bad in and of itself, but you have yet to hear two important details: 1) I know God has called me to wait for my future husband when it comes to dating, and 2) I would date this guy just to screw my future husband over.

Further explanation: You know how you may get the sense from God to pray for your future spouse. I've heard and read many accounts of things like that happening; girls saying they sensed their future man was going through a hard time, guys getting the nudge to lift their future woman up to God in the middle of the night. Well, I have a hunch that my future husband is not waiting around for me to date, and that ticks me off. I don't see how it's fair that he gets to do whatever with whomever while I am bound by a promise to God to wait for him! Of course this sounds stupid and horrible, if only in light of the fact that I don't want to date right now (or ever, if I'm honest; I can't explain why, but I really just don't want to date). But when I think of who my future man might be with I am tempted to selfishly think, "Screw him; I'm going to have some fun myself."

When I look at my future husband from where I am right now, I see no reason to be selfless and honor God or him. When I look at my future husband from the point of view of meeting, being engaged to, and marrying him, I feel my ruffled emotions calm down a bit. When I think about God and how He has the best plans in mind for me and how He has called me His beloved Daughter and only wants the best for me…  I find myself on my knees praying that He changes my heart and gives me the desire to love my future husband NOW by the choices I make and even the thoughts I think.

Another view of this that struck me just ten minutes ago and is in fact the reason why I wanted to write this blog: Jesus died for me before I thought of entering into a relationship with Him. He knew how unfaithful I would be to Him not just before I accepted Him as my Savior and asked Him to forgive me for my sins, but also while He and I were in a relationship! He came on earth, suffered, and died that I may have life that was meant to be lived to the fullest for His glory and to my own good. And so, if my Faithful Friend so selflessly did such a thing for me, who I am to do less?

I know some may see this as extreme; how do I know what my husband's doing right now? Why should I make a big deal about waiting to date, especially when I don’t know who the guy could be? The whole purpose of this is to explain something I have been learning: the art of Love, of commitment, of patience. The beauty, struggle, and worth in dedicating ourselves to someone we have not even encountered, of giving our lives in service to a faithful God who knows what's ahead and knows what it will take to prepare our hearts and minds for it. I don't have an all-pleasing answer as to why I know I should surrender those ugly, selfish thoughts to God and walk this path He has laid out before me. I just know that I love Him too much to screw Him over and not go with His perfect plans for me. And I know I am learning to love him who is included in said perfect plans. That's all.

Selfless Love: Others

So, just a few minutes ago I was calmly and quietly freaking out because God gave me a small overview of what I would have to go through this week and I was not a happy camper. In fact I was scared, sad, and lonely. After a while, He reminded me of how I had told one of my friends, “Whenever I get really upset over (something we are similar dealing with), I will pray for you.”

Huh, what a good idea, Daddy. Since my freaking out about me isn’t doing any good, I will pray for someone else who needs and will benefit from it. And look! Now my problems aren’t as huge and overbearing as I thought after shifting my focus from me to You and what You are doing in my sister-in-Christ’s life… Funny how that works…

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I’m going to eat oatmeal now J

Selfless Love: Shifting Our Focus

There comes a time in the midst of our crying out to God when we need to put ourselves aside and set us in God’s hands. What I mean is that we can get so down on ourselves—how foolish, weak, hurtful, etc. we are—that we lose sight of who God is, in all His faithful, beautiful, and loving-ness. So, after we have exhausted our vocabulary for harsh names to call ourselves (or if one is feeling particularly bold, BEFORE we go this far), we need to set ourselves with all of our brokenness in our Selfless Father’s hands and begin to selflessly Love like He does. This first happens when we shift our focus from ourselves to Him, and continues when we lift up others to Him :D

“praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints” Ephesians 6:18 KJV

Closer - Steffany Frizzell and Matt Stinton

"You could love me more in a moment than other lovers could in a lifetime."

Chicken...

This post has nothing to do with chicken...

This past December, God has been teaching me about loving selflessly: not loving in order to be loved back, loving in order to be understood, or loving in order to be satisfied in some way, shape or form. This kind of love does not seek what can be gained but instead what can be given, all to the glory of God and the honor and blessing of others. I have been safely learning this lesson while home for Christmas break, and by this time next week I will continue being taught this at school… with a lot more people… and I feel a lot of fear right now.

I have personally come to the conclusion that I do not completely understand God or myself. I know that He is perfect and keeps His promises; I know that I am imperfect and do not always keep my word. I know that He is forever faithful; I know that sometimes I’m just not in the mood to care. I know that He has my best interest in mind; I know that there are times when I just want what I want, so get off of my case, thank you! But love—the kind we learn to give to those we care about most as well as those we care never to see again—that kind of love changes you. It gets down to the heart of things, shines a light, and says, “Yep. We have quite a bit of work to do. Are you up for it?” And let me tell you, it is an option. True love is not going to force you to do anything. True love is going to look at you with its big, beautiful, innocent eyes and ask you if you are willing to partake in a lifelong process that will cause you to work harder and give more of yourself than you ever thought possible. But you know what I found to be amazing? In that process, we can experience more joy than if we partook in the world’s cheap, selfish version of love.

I’m sleepy. I will spend the rest of tonight, tomorrow, and the next few weeks thinking about this, living it out, and crying about some things, no doubt (because that’s what I do when I am overcome with lots o’ emotion, and that is just bound to happen before the month is passed).

Otay, I pray this blesses someone. Good night! Jesus loves you J

P.S.—I believe those tears I will shed will be good ones, the kind that tear down pride and make a little woman out of me and continue to show me the beauty of leaning on God’s strength in my weakness. So, there’s no need for me to be afraid J