Christmas Break Goal Day 3- Facing the Giants

Today I watched Facing the Giants, and by the end I had joyful tears in my eyes,

I have seen this movie several times, but by allowing myself to really take in what it meant for both Grant, his wife, and the school body that he was a part of come from years of defeat (as a whole as well as personally) to the times of triumph and victory, I was blessed with a visual of God’s faithfulness to His children.

What stuck out to me the most was the scene where a man came to the coach and read Revelation 3:8 to him: “I know all the things you do, and I have opened a door for you that no one can close. You have little strength, yet you obeyed my word and did not deny me.” He then proceeded to tell Grant that God would come through for those who prepared for God’s provision. In other words, it is one thing to ask God for the needed finances, food, or any kind of provision, and an altogether another thing to live as if one believes God will come through. To not speak negatively about what we are trusting Him for, to wait with expectation and hope. I can’t tell you how many times God had God has given me Scriptures about hope and waiting on Him with patience. SOmetimes this requires us to be still and know that He is God, faithful and trustworthy. But I am learning that most of the time it means to live this out. It does not always feel good, it may make us look and sound dumb, but from what God’s Word tells us, and from what I am learning, it is well worth the humiliation and heartache to persevere with a joyful, thankful heart.

I have a few Scriptures I would like to share with you, but I do not want to overwhelm you with words that may not mean anything right now. So instead, I will leave you with the some practical advice that the Holy Spirit has been constantly reminding me of lately: “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:4-7 :)

He is beyond faithful!

I Don't Like This

And I know the practical thing is to look at You and trust You and then do my part. But my part requires me to not do what I have dreamed of doing, those same dreams You have given me. I know it is about waiting for Your perfect timing. The time for things as they have always been has passed. I guess I am saying that I do not like Your will.

But, after all complaining has been said and done, and the tears of anger and doubt and bitterness has been cried out, I look at You and I see Faithfulness shining from Your Face. I see Wisdom in Your eyes and Love in Your arms. I see goodness in Your heart. I notice the Challenge to Trust You in Your Will for my life, that Will that I am not too fond of. And I hear hope for something better in Your promises that whisper in my ear. I do not understand and I do not like what I see, but I do love You, and even if I didn't, I know You Love me.

So, basically what I'm saying is, I have no excuse not to trust or follow or worship.

Commitment

Commitment to people has never been my strong point. Sometime over the course of my life I had acquired the fear of loved ones leaving me, whether that was through death, an unforeseen and uncontrollable circumstance, or simply by choice. I think of how a young man I once had a crush on the first few weeks of fourth grade moved away. I can still recall the hurt I felt that day he told me he was leaving.

When I came face-to-face with my "commitment issues" this past semester, I figured it would be years before the problem was resolved. I mean, no one who has spent their life so easily non-committed to people just wakes up one morning and decides, "When I'm in a relationship with someone, whether that be with a friend or with a family member, I'm going to stick to it!" No; such things take time.

In a previous post I talked about how God had been teaching me about Love. I was in no way hinting that I understand Love in all its vastness, but I have come to learn more about it and appreciate it. What I did not realize was that while I was learning this lesson, I was learning many more, one of them being a lesson in commitment.

In my way of thinking, we are stuck with our family. Like, no matter what, family is still family. However, concerning friendships, few people have ran through my mind with the label "commitment worthy" on them. Not that I am a heartless person; I just never believed in throwing around the promise, "We'll be friends forever." When I said that to someone, I meant it. When I didn't, I meant it. Rarely have I been in a relationship with someone outside of my family that I would consider worth the effort, time, and pain that commitment demands of us.

However, one of the lessons I realized I had been learning this past semester is that when we love someone, I mean real love, whether that be for a family member, a friend, or a significant other, we are committed to them. Now, this does not mean that the relationship won't take work. This does not mean that commitment will always be something cherished and appreciated, But I do believe that it means when times get tough and it’s easier to say, "This is over, we can’t do this anymore" we'll remember that we love them; and love does not give up so easily.

I'm not sure why I am typing this. I have been slightly emotionally out of it all day. I have been realizing so much in such a short period of time I am expecting… I don't even know. I pray that this blog post blesses someone. I'm going to drink some water now :)

Worth the Wait (God's Promises)

"If I didn't know God was good, I would think He was devious."

This was something I told my friend this past Wednesday. This came out the realization that some of the blessings He had given me (insight into the future, people who comforted me, etc.) were consistently followed by a painful experience. For example, God would tell me one morning that in the future money would rain down from the sky and I would become an instant millionaire (not really, but just follow me). Then, as the day progressed I would be around people I loved and they would be talking to each other about how the money rain everyone around gets this time of year is coming less and less often and pretty soon it would stop coming all together. Well now, we know that God is a keeper of His Word and that He allows all things to work out for our good, but what in the world was the point of His giving me a promise only to have it laughed at by those around me, those who have no idea what He has promised but, all the same, were letting me know that what He promised could never come to pass.

However, He allowed those moments of doubt and fear that what He promised would not come to pass because He knew they would lead me to the place where I no longer had the emotional capacity to handle the doubt and fear. By Friday or Saturday, I was emotionally depleted. I was no longer able to do anything but trust God.

"Alexandria, I love you."

"I know You do, Daddy; I love You too,"

"Alexandria, I have great plans for you; I just ask you to trust, follow, and obey Me."

"Whatever You say, I will do."

"Alexandria, I have a man for you who will love you and cherish you and understand you and listen to you. Basically he will be everything you dreamed but never imagined would be, and more."

"Of course You do! You're God and You Love me and You are faithful to Your Word."

The only difference between these conversations and the ones we have had in the past is that there is not one hint of sarcasm in my response. Even now as I sit here, emotionally stabilized and still receiving care and renewing by my Savior, I refuse to allow myself to doubt. I came to the point yesterday where I could no longer hold on to the edge of the cliff, I could no longer fight to keep my head above water, so I asked God to keep me. And you know what I found out? I was neither plummeting to my death nor was I drowning. I was falling into the arms of my Heavenly Father; I was floating. I have never had skydiving or swimming lessons, so both are miracles in and of themselves.

My ever Faithful Friend is guiding me out of this mindset that what He does is simply to see whether or not I hold up through the pain. Just like a husband who promises his pregnant wife that he will get them out of their financial dilemma if she just gives him time, God wants me to have faith in Him. He wants me to praise Him for the good He does. He wants me to acknowledge the good I see in Him even when my eyes are taking in the hell and pain and lies and disappointments around me.  But He does not want this because He is longs for and needs my strength. No. My God is Love and a Rock, and longs for me to rely on Him and release the unnecessary burdens of control and fear that I cling to like a lover.

So what if a conversation or a thought or a situation contradicts God's promises? Does His faithfulness depend on the words or beliefs of a mere human being? No. Even so, He desires us to rely on Him, to focus on His goodness and Truth, to renew our mind with His faithful promises (a.k.a., His Word), and to live totally dependent on Him and not on physical reassurance. What we see will not be here forever; what we don't see will last an eternity.

So join me in this adventure to trust God! Sure, it may take years for us to see the results of the faith, praise, and prayers we are sowing now, but the wait, with God and each other, need not be tedious. Every moment is worth living  with our Savior and True Love :)