Thor and Promises (Mostly the Latter)

So many random thoughts:

My friends are such good people compared to me; maybe that's why God blesses them in ways He has not blessed me.

I am not sure whether to be as honest with God as I am with my future husband or if I should tone it down a notch for him; I am not sure any human being should go through the tirades I go through with God. I am almost sure God should not have to go through them either, yet He does.

I really want to watch the movie Thor right now, but when I get in this frazzled state of mind, the only reason I want to watch that movie is because he looks so good and I am so single. On a side note, when I'm married what will I have to scream at God about? Will the world end? I think so. I will one day have to approximate date of when Jesus will return guys; I'll keep you updated.

Yes, lots of thoughts, all related in one way or another, but I will not discuss that. I'm using self-control and discretion. Miracles are still happening, people.

Okay, I am told we are really starting here:

Only I can tell you the future before it even happens. Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish. I will call a swift bird of prey from the east— a leader from a distant land to come and do my bidding. I have said what I would do, and I will do it.  Isaiah 46:10-11 NLT.

And so there is nothing to say in argument; I know ;)

"But what You promised has not come about yet; how much longer will I have to wait?

Everything I plan will come to pass.

"Why can't You bring it all about now?"

I do whatever I wish.

"Why do You place desires in my heart and promises in my mind only to hold off on their fulfillment?"

I have said what I would do, and I will do it.

They tell us to enjoy this part of life because when we get older we'll wish we had used it to do more good, to appreciate the resources and time we have now. Okay; I still want bigger and better. I still want a husband… most of the time. I still want California, a kitty, and a puppy. But I don't want to spend forever longing for something that I do not have, especially when, realistically, I have more than most. And, if we're determined to hold on to the mindset that things are not as good as they could be either, I'll repeat what I was told last night: For that girl who is stuck in childhood prostitution, for the boy who is being made to be a soldier and a murderer, and for the parents who really are not able to provide for their family, things could be better. And yet some of those in the worst situation find a way to praise God and trust Him through it all. I think if we all dig deep, we can do the same. He said His Grace is sufficient. Let's assume that it is true for the broken nail, the broken heart, and the broken arm.

Worth the Wait (God's Promises)

"If I didn't know God was good, I would think He was devious."

This was something I told my friend this past Wednesday. This came out the realization that some of the blessings He had given me (insight into the future, people who comforted me, etc.) were consistently followed by a painful experience. For example, God would tell me one morning that in the future money would rain down from the sky and I would become an instant millionaire (not really, but just follow me). Then, as the day progressed I would be around people I loved and they would be talking to each other about how the money rain everyone around gets this time of year is coming less and less often and pretty soon it would stop coming all together. Well now, we know that God is a keeper of His Word and that He allows all things to work out for our good, but what in the world was the point of His giving me a promise only to have it laughed at by those around me, those who have no idea what He has promised but, all the same, were letting me know that what He promised could never come to pass.

However, He allowed those moments of doubt and fear that what He promised would not come to pass because He knew they would lead me to the place where I no longer had the emotional capacity to handle the doubt and fear. By Friday or Saturday, I was emotionally depleted. I was no longer able to do anything but trust God.

"Alexandria, I love you."

"I know You do, Daddy; I love You too,"

"Alexandria, I have great plans for you; I just ask you to trust, follow, and obey Me."

"Whatever You say, I will do."

"Alexandria, I have a man for you who will love you and cherish you and understand you and listen to you. Basically he will be everything you dreamed but never imagined would be, and more."

"Of course You do! You're God and You Love me and You are faithful to Your Word."

The only difference between these conversations and the ones we have had in the past is that there is not one hint of sarcasm in my response. Even now as I sit here, emotionally stabilized and still receiving care and renewing by my Savior, I refuse to allow myself to doubt. I came to the point yesterday where I could no longer hold on to the edge of the cliff, I could no longer fight to keep my head above water, so I asked God to keep me. And you know what I found out? I was neither plummeting to my death nor was I drowning. I was falling into the arms of my Heavenly Father; I was floating. I have never had skydiving or swimming lessons, so both are miracles in and of themselves.

My ever Faithful Friend is guiding me out of this mindset that what He does is simply to see whether or not I hold up through the pain. Just like a husband who promises his pregnant wife that he will get them out of their financial dilemma if she just gives him time, God wants me to have faith in Him. He wants me to praise Him for the good He does. He wants me to acknowledge the good I see in Him even when my eyes are taking in the hell and pain and lies and disappointments around me.  But He does not want this because He is longs for and needs my strength. No. My God is Love and a Rock, and longs for me to rely on Him and release the unnecessary burdens of control and fear that I cling to like a lover.

So what if a conversation or a thought or a situation contradicts God's promises? Does His faithfulness depend on the words or beliefs of a mere human being? No. Even so, He desires us to rely on Him, to focus on His goodness and Truth, to renew our mind with His faithful promises (a.k.a., His Word), and to live totally dependent on Him and not on physical reassurance. What we see will not be here forever; what we don't see will last an eternity.

So join me in this adventure to trust God! Sure, it may take years for us to see the results of the faith, praise, and prayers we are sowing now, but the wait, with God and each other, need not be tedious. Every moment is worth living  with our Savior and True Love :)