Thoughts

Saturday, January 4, 2013

Do you know how humbling it is to be loved? To be told that you are going to be cared for, protected, sheltered, romanced, held-- all when you have done nothing to deserve to be? Do you know what it is like to have someone take your hand every time you feel broken and are bleeding all over the place. And you don’t deserve it in the least, but they love you fully, wholly, without condition.

That’s God’s love for us. And, a miracle too beyond me to understand, He uses people to showcase that love. Not perfectly, yet just as we need it. It’s beautiful and painful, and I do not understand it. But it is still real. Don't waste the opportunity to be loved.

I Don't Like This

And I know the practical thing is to look at You and trust You and then do my part. But my part requires me to not do what I have dreamed of doing, those same dreams You have given me. I know it is about waiting for Your perfect timing. The time for things as they have always been has passed. I guess I am saying that I do not like Your will.

But, after all complaining has been said and done, and the tears of anger and doubt and bitterness has been cried out, I look at You and I see Faithfulness shining from Your Face. I see Wisdom in Your eyes and Love in Your arms. I see goodness in Your heart. I notice the Challenge to Trust You in Your Will for my life, that Will that I am not too fond of. And I hear hope for something better in Your promises that whisper in my ear. I do not understand and I do not like what I see, but I do love You, and even if I didn't, I know You Love me.

So, basically what I'm saying is, I have no excuse not to trust or follow or worship.

Commitment

Commitment to people has never been my strong point. Sometime over the course of my life I had acquired the fear of loved ones leaving me, whether that was through death, an unforeseen and uncontrollable circumstance, or simply by choice. I think of how a young man I once had a crush on the first few weeks of fourth grade moved away. I can still recall the hurt I felt that day he told me he was leaving.

When I came face-to-face with my "commitment issues" this past semester, I figured it would be years before the problem was resolved. I mean, no one who has spent their life so easily non-committed to people just wakes up one morning and decides, "When I'm in a relationship with someone, whether that be with a friend or with a family member, I'm going to stick to it!" No; such things take time.

In a previous post I talked about how God had been teaching me about Love. I was in no way hinting that I understand Love in all its vastness, but I have come to learn more about it and appreciate it. What I did not realize was that while I was learning this lesson, I was learning many more, one of them being a lesson in commitment.

In my way of thinking, we are stuck with our family. Like, no matter what, family is still family. However, concerning friendships, few people have ran through my mind with the label "commitment worthy" on them. Not that I am a heartless person; I just never believed in throwing around the promise, "We'll be friends forever." When I said that to someone, I meant it. When I didn't, I meant it. Rarely have I been in a relationship with someone outside of my family that I would consider worth the effort, time, and pain that commitment demands of us.

However, one of the lessons I realized I had been learning this past semester is that when we love someone, I mean real love, whether that be for a family member, a friend, or a significant other, we are committed to them. Now, this does not mean that the relationship won't take work. This does not mean that commitment will always be something cherished and appreciated, But I do believe that it means when times get tough and it’s easier to say, "This is over, we can’t do this anymore" we'll remember that we love them; and love does not give up so easily.

I'm not sure why I am typing this. I have been slightly emotionally out of it all day. I have been realizing so much in such a short period of time I am expecting… I don't even know. I pray that this blog post blesses someone. I'm going to drink some water now :)

Response to a Question: A Lesson Still in Its "Newborn" Stage ;)

I am currently reading through Praying for Your Future Husband by Robin Jones Gunn and Tricia Goyer. At the end of the second chapter, “Pray for His Heart”, one of the questions they asked is “How has your idea of what love is changed?” to which I (to my surprise) responded:

I have learned that Love is NOT a feeling, but it can be felt. It is beyond measure, cannot be contained, and has a mind of its own. It is not evil and it is not pain, but it hates evil and endures pain. Love is, at its core, selfless, and seeks to express itself in whatever way it can show that it is alive and well. It does not force itself on those it longs to reach out to, but it still reaches out, even if it is not wanted. Did I mention Love is selfless? It calls us, challenges us to do crazy things like pray for others even when we don’t see any good coming out of it. It causes us to think positively towards those who have hurt us. It causes us to live selflessly toward those we are sure will never take notice. It causes us to hope for the most out-there things and actually believe them to be attainable dreams.

Love is Who God is and what He has called us to be, toward Him, toward others.

As I read over all of this the day I wrote it, I saw that the pieces of Scripture that I had repeatedly read  this past semester of school had come to life for me, and I rejoiced in the power of God’s Word.

Today after re-reading my answer, I saw something else, something that touches me deeper than I could have hoped for: I saw that these past four month, during which I now see God was teaching me this lesson-- as painful, lonely, and crazy as they were-- were worth it.

And so my challenge to you, reader friend, is to love Christ and love others every day. It is worth it because He is worth it :D

Hugs

You know what’s weird: the need for physical affection. You know why that’s weird: because of God. This oddity is two-fold. On one hand, God created us to need each other. So not only do we need Him, but we need each other. But that’s just the second part of the “fold”—we need Him. Him. All-powerful, all-wonderful, almighty God. The King of kings and Lord of lords. We need His Love and we need Him. So if this all-powerful, all-wonderful, almighty God is that He says He is why did He make us to need someone other than Him? And why is it so hard to ask for that need to be filled? Well that’s exactly why. Some of you read that sentence, “And why is it so hard to ask for that need to be filled?” and you cringed. Why? Pride. (I know I seem to have all the answers to life today but… well actually, I do… it’s Jesus…)

But THAT’s just IT! Jesus is all the answers, and Jesus said to love your neighbor as yourself. And yourself needs physical affection. I’m not saying we need to break out and start “loving” our neighbor and his mom. I mean that, as Christ-followers, we need to develop the ability to tell when someone, especially those close to us, needs a hug, pat on the back, or something that lets them know, “Hey, I’m here for you.” Seriously, I know we can’t practically go around hugging everyone (the opposite sex may enjoy this, but then they’ll think you have a crush on them, and things just go downhill). But with those we are close with, a pat on the arm, a high five, I don’t know. Maybe I’ve lost it. Maybe I’m just speaking from my own brokenness. Maybe I’m the one who needs the hug or who needs to learn when her friends want one. But, you see, there’s vulnerability in that, too, because when you go to give a hug and it’s rejected, it hurts almost as much as needing a hug and not receiving it. However, on that end, I am just being selfish, because if I sense a friend (and in this do mean one of the same gender; call me a prude, but we just have to be really careful when it comes to giving those of the opposite sex hugs—wisdom is very much needed) needs a hug and I offer it but they do not receive it, have I done something wrong? No. Have I been rejected in a way? Yes. But that’s okay because it is not about me. In that moment, it is about them and what they need.

So… don’t be selfish. If you are not an affectionate person, maybe you are not the one to go around being the main hugger person… but maybe you can also develop your skills with your family and closest friends, because everyone needs some kind of physical affirmation.

And if you’re the person who needs the hug… go hug someone close to You. And don’t give them a I-need-a-hug-so-I’m-giving-you-a-hug-so-I-can-get-my-hug. No, ask God to help you love someone else because He loves you. Simple as that. He won’t let you down J

Lessons...

God's teaching me that the problem or the cause of some of our pain is not always that we are not loved, but that we are not loved as we would like to be...

This is part of the beauty of having a relationship with God: Even when our human relationships are imperfect, we can run to His loving arms and depend on Him to not only heal our hurting hearts but also bring renewing and beauty to our human relationships in His perfect timing :)