Source

My father has always been in my life, and that is why I am slightly annoyed that I have even gone/am going through this.

I am putting this online because afterwards I will feel more responsible to actually live out this new conviction God has placed on my heart, knowing the world has access to this confession and conviction.

Ever since I was young, I was boy crazy. Ironically, they weren’t crazy about me. They were crazy about my friends, but never me. So, to cut to the chase, even as a more sedate, young woman, I eventually began to believe the ideas that: 1) Guys don’t notice me, 2) Guys like my friends, and 3) There is no guy good enough for me.

With these beliefs, my heart quietly sat, fighting off the pain and clinging to hope beyond logic that one day my dreams would become a reality and guys would in fact realize that I exist!

That day has seemed to come—but THAT is not why I am writing this.

Here is where I will state the fact that I am still boy crazy; I just keep it on the down low because this is not a favorable aspect of me. Now there are certain characteristics that have to be present in the guys, and unfortunately one of them is swag. For those of you who do not know what that means, I can only explain it as this being the way a guy carries himself, and there are a lot out there who, despite all of their mistakes and flaws, have quite a bit of swag.

Even having said all of that, none of it is the reason I am posting this.

This morning while I was trying to worship, God brought to mind some of the guys who have seemed to notice me. It hurts my pride and makes me truly sad to realize that I have come to expect and feed off of their attention. So this morning as I was failing to connect with Him, God let me know that I needed to give Him my heart and the desire to be noticed.

Don’t get me wrong—guys noticing girls is not a bad thing, However, two negative factors of this new situation is: 1) These guys do not present themselves to be the most respectful young men and I am not sure that my response is encouraging them to be respectful, and 2) My source of confidence need only spring from the Love and affirmation of my Creator, Friend, and Lover of my soul.

This is so hard to type because… I am a girl. I do not know any other way to put it. I like the attention of guys and it hurts to think that in order to please God I have to give that up. Do not get me wrong, I am NOT saying that if a guy is showing interest in a young lady, she then needs to run to the nearest church and begin praying for deliverance; my point is that if his attention is her source of affirmation, she needs to begin to cut off that source of fulfillment and find it where she was meant to.

(The girl in me wants to add that maybe my noticing them back is a way that God can change their hearts!... Then I remember all that times I have told other young women, “We cannot change guys who do not see or feel the need to change; only God can do that” and He can do it without out help. There is a time to be there for the guys in our lives, but this is not the same as changing them. Like we do with our girlfriends, we can walk without brothers in Christ and lift the up to God I prayer—but changing them is not something we can or should try to do. Only God can make a heart new.)

I need to cut off these sources, and my flesh is not enjoying this idea. However, I have to choose what is more important: fulfilling my desires for a moment, or honoring my Savior with my life. Welp, that answers that question J